Many Rooms of Waiting

waiting with the other hopefuls of a chance
they take me in room by room
each option flawed
some rooms I dwell longer than the others
if the scent moves me, i stay
the scent above everything has to be right.
i turn my little nose up at those subpar.
in some rooms i dance
in others i stand perfectly still like a doll
in some i drink and shout above loud music
in even more still, i talk politics and sexual liberation
in my favorites, i go on and on about family and home
in private, dimly lit rooms I admit future planned delight for children
only in the most inviting do i bring up the past, and only when prompted
in none of them do I forget I am a lady
though the ones with drinking are more crass than the rest
i'm consistently sharp tongued, unless my interviewer is an idiot
i dont want to be intimidating in these tiny stalls for decisions
i exhaust my charmes, wiles and wit on each and every worthy chap
for there are never ladies in these rooms, which mama should be proud
and daddy would likely only have an approval rating of less than 5%
for sure there are rooms that will always remain in the back
and on the door of every now locked chamber, notes, prose, scribbled
in ink, mascara, tomato sauce, blood, lipstick or marker
notes of what's inside, what to take away, what to leave, and similarities
my candle has not faltered and i will carry on this exercise until i am free
free of rooms, decisions, hopeful first meetings and awkward glances.
someday. someday. someday. a room will forever remain unlocked without any notes provided. someday. someday. someday.

How did you find me?

how did you find me in this swanky place
did you check your pride at the door/
a faint smell of shame overpowers the smoke
shining bright teeth compared to your yellow ones
a gift you've bestowed is heavy and invisible
cursing and drunk i show you the door
reminding you of why you wanted out before
i'm cold, unresponsive and a perfect pupil
of what you teach to everyone who loves you
dont turn your head to look at me
you aren't the worthy one who sings of such things
i take out out by your collar and release you to the past
nothing can allow you back here. not even love.

Things I'm grateful for after a perfect day

things im grateful for after this perfect day

Teresa for lending me the jetta
Rebecca for being such good company
finding my first whole sand dollar
finding my second whole sand dollar
the beach
having the entire beach to ourselves, for as far as we could see.
sunshine
the rainbow that formed a complete arch over each side of us. we could see where each end touched the earth.
the modest vintage bathing suit for $3 for me and the buy one get one free dress for Rebecca.
the full moon over pink clouds on the last leg of our trip.